the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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