I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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