You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
