I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
