i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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