so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
