glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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