Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
