She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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