I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
