my phone needs a breathalizer
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
