I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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