I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
