i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
