Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
