Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
