? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
