I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
