What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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