i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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