I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
