after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
