Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
