I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
