I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
