pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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