Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
4 words: hood of his car
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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