Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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