Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
