at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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