Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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