what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
