I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Let's get the cat blown out
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
