I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I could make wine with my vomit
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
