If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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