Where is the hickey?
Small penises have feelings too.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
