hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
