i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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