if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
