My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
