why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
