The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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