he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
