i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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