My first STD was from a foam party
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
