yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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