I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
