I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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