i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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