I am puke
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
