K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
