Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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