Its about making memories worth repressing
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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